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House Warming: Bob had recently bought a flat and having nearly finished the decoration, he invited a few friends around for a little house warming. With the gathering in full swing, one of the girls excused herself to go to the bathroom. This room, it seems, had been newly painted in charming pastel colours and a varnished wooden toilet seat. It was supposed to be a fast-drying enamel but it hadn't dried fast enough, and the young lady found herself stuck. Her shrieks brought her friends, who, unable to do anything about the situation, summoned Bob. After several minutes of uncontrolled laughter, Bob managed to produce a screwdriver and detatched the toilet seat, permitting the girl to partially stand up. But they still couldn't remove it completely, so they called a Doctor.
"Did you ever see anything like this before Doctor?" the girl asked in embarrassment when he arrived.
"Well, yes," the Doctor replied truthfully, "but I believe this is the first time I've ever seen one framed."
Speeding:
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Officer 2: Madam, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty space.
Officer 2: Is this your car, madam?
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out her license and hands it to the officer.
Officer 2: Thank you madam, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Two blondes from Essex were sitting on a bench at night talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Brighton or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Brighton?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you people would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." A motorway patrol car pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the officer cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!" A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!!!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellllllllooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!" Click to share this article with your favourite online bookmarker                 |
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